Today's Burning Question: How Will Democrats Destroy America Next?

This just in: the party of Abe Lincoln would you like to know that Democrats founded the KKK. They also were tacitly responsible for the murder of Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. who, by the by, the same party would like you to know was a staunch Republican. In other news, the Dems have also been implicated by the Rs in the annual flooding of the Nile delta, the failure of the Apollo 13 mission, and the abduction and murder of the Lindberg baby.

I'm actually only kidding about some of those. The others are, sadly, actual charges being levied right now in the great state of Maryland. Read here for more foolishness.

To whit, the Democrats were the dominant party in the south during and after the civil war and Lincoln was, at least at the time, a Republican. The reason there were no Republicans in the south? They didn't exist before Lincoln became president. Lincoln helped to found the party under the notion that the federal government had more control over the country than individual states did. If you believe that is the current Republican party platform, I wouldn't be surprised given their behavior in the past six years. If you look at the traditional Republican standard, however, you'll see that in the past fifty years or so, the party has most definately been advocates of states' rights over federal control. Our good friend Ronald Reagan certainly saw to that.

I chose to read this as a sign of how desperate the Rs are getting. Clearly they can't win the election on their own merit any longer, so they have to resort to distorting history to try to convince black voters not to vote. What this really should show black voters is how little the Republicans think of them to believe that they are so unintelligent that they will fall for such a silly claim.

Speaking of silly claims, it is day 7 in the Pandering Watch and we've got more from everybody's favorite born-again Jew, George Allen. On a CNN interview the other night, the Distinguished Gentleman got up close and personal, Barbara Walters-style, to talk about his heritage. My favorite moment was when he got tearful over it all and announced that from here on out, the fight against intolerance and anti-semitism is "personal." As opposed to before, when in Allen's mind intolerance had a free ride because it didn't effect him or his family. Read WaPo's take on the whole deal here.

College Republicans: Where Would My Focus Be Without You?

Proving once again that the College Republicans are the collegiate group to join if you want to perfect your skills at hysterical invective and fallacious non sequiturs, I offer this dispatch from Penn State.

Apparently the CRs ran a 9/11 Memorial last week commemorating the fifth anniversary of the attacks and are now facing possible disciplinary action because they used "amplified sound" in their memorial. Not normally a problem, it would seem, except that such dazzling displays are prohibited between 8:00am and 5:00pm in order not to disrupt the surrounding classrooms. The memorial presentation (please please please tell me that there were lasers somewhere) started at 8:00 and lasted for just over an hour, taking the audience through the exact time of the event in 2001.

Now, I'll grant you - this would seem like a petty little thing to get worked up over, but that was before I found the tiniest little epic of a passage describing the university's reprimand and the president of the CR's response, provided here:

Stan Latta, director of unions and student activities, wrote a letter to College Republicans President Seth Bender last week to alert him of the administration's displeasure over the situation.

"I am very disappointed that you and the other members of the College Republicans chose to ignore the prohibition on amplified sound, even after discussions with the Vice President for Student Affairs, the Office of University Relations and me," Latta wrote.

Bender said the memorial was successful. "When this is all said and done, everyone will realize that the College Republicans did not break any university policy," he said. "The real focus of all this needs to be the fact that 3,000 men, women and children died five years ago. We need to still remember that."

Yes. The focus obviously needs to be shifted off of a pandering memorial on a college campus that broke a penny-ante rule put out by the university and onto the standard Republican talking point of the decade. Is there no shame left in these guys that they're going to use dead people to justify why they should be able to break silly rules on college campuses now?

Also, clearly a memorial of taste and class needed to have amplified sound. Yup. Sounds dignified to me.

Oh, Well Nevermind Then...

This just in: George Allen clearly cannot be racist. How is this? Because he's recently learned that he's Jewish. Or so he says. As if his newfound semitism wasn't enough, he's also learned that his grandfather was a Nazi resistance fighter! The best part? He learned about it all from a magazine. Who knew that Modern Pandering was delivering in NoVa?

The Distinguished Gentleman from Virginia has proclaimed that he was raised a Christian and that the sum total of his life was under such guidance. Curiously, his Jewish heritage has just now asserted itself in response to the pressures that he's been under recently viz a viz "macaca".

When asked about his nacent Judaism, he reminded his audience that people should not make "aspersions about people because of their religious beliefs." No word yet from the Allen campaign as to whether or not aspersions about people's racial and ethnic background are still fair game. Or if he believes that using a $4.00 word like "aspersions" is going to help him win votes in rural Virginia.

Take That, Shiloh!

Amazing. You mean two white people can collectively give birth to an asian girl and there's absolutely no way that it isn't a hoax? Wow, Scientology is the best religion EVER!

Information, White House Style

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

"Fact sheet" from the White House detailing everything that it has done to you keep you, Average American Citizen, safe from the evolving threat of terrorism.

Let us not forget that if we don't fight them over there, we'll have to fight them here. But wait, Dick Cheney told me that they're already here and that's why his CIA friends needed to listen in on all my phone calls. So, we have to fight them over there or else they'll come here, but we have to fight them here as well because otherwise they'll... go over there? no, wait, that can't be right... hold on, I'll get it eventually... ouch... brain hurts...